Spike the tastemaker

My cat Spike is often asked advice. He suggested we try to clear up a bunch of issues at once, so we can all get on with our lives:

"Shaken or stirred?
Do I look like I give a damn whether anything is shaken or stirred???

Briefs or boxers?
COMMANDO.

Yankees or Red Sox?
Tigers!

Cowboys or Steelers!
Pfft! Jaguars, Panthers, Bengals and Lions!

Blonde or brunette?
Calico, meooowwwr!

London or Paris?
Mais oui mon petit escargot!

Cats or dogs?
Guinea pigs, whaddya think!!!!!

Country or city?
Phhblllt. I am an inside cat. So I would say: windowsill.

Coffee or tea???
Catnip!

Garfield or Bill?
Please.

Breast or thigh?
CANNED!!!!
"