(Rude Gnome sugar bowl by Gary Rith)
Dear Mister brand New Blue BMW Convertible--
I wondered why you were driving past my house in the wind and snow with your window open. Then you flicked your burning cigarette out your window into the road. I have dozens of butts in my front yard. I really don't care if you smoke, but as the public swimming pool sign says: 'I don't swim in your toilet so don't pee in our pool'. I don't stand in front of your stinking McMansion and flick trash into your yard, so why are you flicking trash into mine? Let's just say that I've got some dog turds with your name on them buddy.
Affectionately, Gary
and while I am at it
Dear Canadian Geese Behind my House--
I am so happy that you are living on the river bank behind my house. You are a totally cute couple, and I like how you enjoy each other's company and eat your meals together and swim around together. You look blissful and happy.
But, you know, you seem to be gettin' it on in broad daylight, like, pretty frequently and vigorously. Could you, you know, for the sake of my young and impressionable beagle's eyes, well, I know, she's DONE it too and had puppies, but I was sorta wishing you'd wait until maybe after dark to procreate??????
Thanks, love ya, Gary
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15 comments:
People can be so inconsiderate -BUTTS ARE LITTER! Last summer working in my shop with the doors open, a woman sped onto my street, tossed her stinking, burning butt onto my drive...I marched down swept it up with my dustpan and stood in the middle of the road (with full welding gear on I might add) what the inconsiderate woman didn't realize was that we are on a dead end street and when she had to speed back by, I stood in her way. She rolled down her window and I said I had something for her and handed her back her dirty, stinky butt and said "I have something that belongs to you and NOT my neighborhood, don't ever litter again, you should be ashamed of yourself."
I love Cindy's story! I pulled a similar "I'm mad as hell" stunt one time at the gas station, when everyone was entering the right way, and then some lady in a big truck swung around and came in the wrong way. I stood in her way as she left to say, "Do you realize everyone else waited their turn, and then you just pull in, making everyone else go around you. That's just rude." Of course, she responded with a nasty comment that I can't repeat. But hey, I made my point. :-) ... Ummm, and I have never had a horny geese problem, but we do have a flock of wild parrots that squak every afternoon about 5 p.m. :-)
Loved the letter. Poor Penny's non virgin eyes.
We have had anything you can think on dropped on our lovely driveway and in our yard from our "dear" customers- yes customers. From dirty diapers, dirty Kleenex to bottles, cans a zillion cigarette butts and leftover lunch. They have picked out flowers and will pick up rocks, pinecones and anything else they deem "free"- I always wanted to ask them for their address so I could go to their yards and do the same. We call our selves “six flags over Whynot!”
Once- Mark walked out with a customer just as her husband threw his empty soda can out the window. Mark never missed a beat. Picked it up and as he was talking to the wife, dropped in right back in the window and said. "sir, I think you dropped something.". He left as the wife was giving the husband a good tongue lasing!
So go get them!
We have a large pond if it is not the ducks and geese it is the turtles- turtle love- don’t tell penny!
well- that would be lashing! What the hey!
Hilarity all of it!! You rock Mister funny man potter dude!!
Hugs Giggles
Ah, Gary, it's spring and how else are those cute goslings going to hatch by May if mom and pop don't get down to it.
Litter and its rightful owners give me high blood pressure.
Mating animals? Meh. (Although I admit, squirrels in mating season get really loud and frisky!)
Damn. It's hard to believe people can be such rude jerks. Don't you wish just once that the wind would whip the cigarette back into the car and burn a hole in his leather seats??
I love Rude Gnome sugar bowl though - if the cigarette flicker inspired it - look what great art you got out if it!
And a kitteh, sitting on your stummeh to boot.
I think it all started when adopt a highway was popularized, folks started thinking someone else was going to pick up after them, sometimes you can't catch them in the act but when you can yippee.
those geese have no shame, don't they? But it's really getting bad when people have no shame! Maybe you should put up a big sign...can't think of anything else, right at this moment!
I should explain, this is Main St and a very busy state highway with thousands of cars everyday going past our house, and the litter includes a lot of candy bar wrappers, fast food bags and all. It could be worse! But you know, once the snow has gone you see all this mess built up.
We need a good goose haiku ;-)
You are too funny! I totally agree about rude, disrespectful people who trash and litter our land.
Lynda's suggestion inspired me to write a quick Haiku:
"Honk" if your in love
A little loving in Spring
Better than a Butt
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