Joke-a-thon June 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My new flamingos make me want to start a joke-a-thon! I want 20 TWENTY NEW JOKES! Please try to keep them CLEAN, jokes you could share with a ten year old without being arrested.
Go to comments please!
Where do otters come from???? Otter space!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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21 comments:
What's yellow and hiding in Afghanistan?
The Talibanana.
It was so hot today that I saw two trees fighting over a dog.
I guess this is more of a riddle than a joke.
What goes up a chimney down, and down a chimney up? An umbrella.
A man & woman had been married 20 years, and when the man suddenly died one day the woman was very sad. When she died and got to the pearly gates she was SO HAPPY to see her dear husband, and said "Honey, how wonderful to finally see you again!!" He replied "Woman, they said till DEATH do you part!!!"
Heehee... and then there is Clarke's favorite:
I wish my grass were emo.
Why?
So it would cut itself!
I love your recycled lawn flamingos!!!!
A man left Wisconsin for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip in New York and planned to fly down to meet him the next day. When the man arrived in Florida he e-mailed his wife to let her know he had arrived, but accidentally sent it to the wrong e-mail address. Instead of going to his wife his e-mail went to the inbox of a woman whose husband had just passed away. When the grieving widow opened her e-mail she screamed and fainted. Her son rushed into the room and found this message displayed on her computer screen:
"My darling wife: I just checked in, everything is prepared for your arrival tomorrow. I'm looking forward to seeing you again.
Your loving husband.
P.S. Sure is hot down here."
Why do flamingos stand on one leg?
Because if they didn't, they would fall down!
Talibanana!
From Kaishon:
What did the lazy tailor say?
Suit yourself.
Don't you just LOVE that kid? Me too : )
Did you hear about the Crafter who won the lottery?
Hit the big one, 200 million.
But it's not gonna change her life any. She's gonna keep doing show till the money runs out!
Q-What has four wheels and flies?
A-A garbage truck!
Why did the water melon, and the honeydew melon have a large wedding? Because they cantaloupe.
When I was younger I used to make up my own jokes as a child at Halloween. Much to my parent's horror. (For non-Iowans, here you have to tell a joke for a treat)
They would make me practice my joke over and over again so as not to shame them. I would have it down. Ready to go. Then I would get to the door and spout off some nonsense I tried to make up on the spot. Here's an example:
What do you have on your wall?
A picture of a bird!
People were so confused.
I admit this one is awful, but my 7-year-old nephew told it to me yesterday, so it qualifies for the "under 10" range:
What is invisible and smells like carrots?
Bunny farts.
What is the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish!
Hahahahahah!
(I am a better joke-appreciator than I am a joke-teller.)
Be sure to pay the exorcist, or you may be repossessed.
I wanted to do the books for a restaurant, but there's no accounting for taste.
(I get a lot of eye rolls from my kids.)
Hahaa... I just wrote these all down on note cards and tortured my husband with them for a few minutes! Thank you Gary - I managed to get him back for weeks worth of bad jokes in just a few minutes! :)
What did one hot dog say to the other?
Hi Frank!
What did the hot dog say when it crossed the finish line?
I'm a wiener!
HA! We got 20 comments!
Oooo! I wanna play!
What kind of witch lives in the desert?
A sandwich.
What did the fish say when he was stopped in the water?
Dam. (For eleven-year-olds? :) )
Why did the elephant sit on the marshmellow?
To float in the hot chocolate.
This is not entirely clean, but not dirty either. I will confess I snitched it from Memaw, who told it like this:
My brother sent me this Ole joke and even though you've probably heard it before, I couldn't help myself. So here goes.
A doctor in Duluth, Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting so he approached his assistant. "Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and I don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients."
"Yes sir!" answers Ole.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Ole, how was your day?"
Ole told him that he took care of three patients.
"The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL."
"Bravo, Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir," says Ole.
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the
Doctor.
"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and panties and lies down on the table and shouts:
"HELP ME - I haven't seen a man in over two years!"
"Tunderin Lard Yeezus, Ole, what did you do?" asks the doctor.
"I put drops in her eyes."
Rolling on Floor Laughing,
:-D ~ Sil
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