Denis shares a wholesome Christmas tale for the stressed out amongst us

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Kelly tells me:

(frog cup by Gary Rith)
That the man in her life was remembering his special childhood cup which had a frog on the bottom. Could I make her a blue cup with a frog? Can do, Kelly.

nekk!d ladies and b**b!es

(mug by Gary Rith and mermaid by God and Hollywood)
When I was in 8th grade at the end of year BBQ my two favorite teachers were chatting with me about my career plans.
"I want to be an artist!" sez I.
Mr Bull turns to Mister Groves and hoots with laughter: "That's just because he wants to draw nak*d ladies all day long!!!!"
:::blushblushblush::::

Soooo, I was thinking of making some mermaids on things. I have done so before, with cute little shells on their b**b!es. I was making this one and I kinda went commando with it. Then I was going to put shells on there, but put on little pointy n!pples instead. Then I asked myself where to put her and tried here and there and settled on rising from the foam of future cappucinos.
Although I imagine her placement means that her b**b!es might poke out the drinker's eye.

Mr Bull, this Bud's for you.

garden of Eden

(bowl by Gary Rith)
I have put frogs or caterpillars on things and glazed them a nice spring green, but it occurs to me that in 2009 I might go overboard. I was thinking garden of Eden and an abundance of reptiles and the like, all on one piece, and maybe I do this in 2009. This bowl has turtle, inch worm and frog. I am also reminded of Lowly worm and the way R!chard Scary illustrates his pages with an abundance of animals. The more the better, eh?

snake master

(snake mugs by Gary Rith)
KC asked for a snake mug for her son who likes snakes. Hadn't made one before, so it was an interesting and fun challenge. I, of course, make a cheerful and friendly snake.

the public

(pots by Gary Rith)
So we go to Nancy's soiree and art opening for five of us, Werner in the orange sweater to the right of Missus Tastycake here (he makes mobiles) and later to Cornell (my stuff by the fireplace) to set up that show. Both shows look great and I am certain will be of great use to my checkbook. The thing is, there were a lot of people to talk to, and it is possible I used up my quota of talk for the month.

entirely done

Apple cake, CHECK, cleaning, CHECK, exhibit one, CHECK, exhibit two, CHECK, calzone and a drinkie-poo, CHECK. Time to do nothing.

TALK TALK

Sometimes you want to listen to a little Talk Talk from the mid-80s, like Talk Talk and
Its my life

a wet nose

At five am a wet nose poked my nose. I told Penny to go back to sleep and we did for almost 2 hours. Success! But I dreamt I was in college, had signed up for an extra class in math and then forgotten it until the end of term and I WAS IN TROUBLE with the dean. I feel that way today: have to get ready to go to the show at Nancy's (the exhibit card on the right of this post) PLUS later in the afternoon zip over to Cornell and set up for that exhibit and before all that I have to clean the house and make apple cake and try to make ornaments. Plus I feel like all the orders I have--I feel like I am forgetting something. I probably am. I am NOT gonna get all this done today, but I will try.
Luckily Monday and Tuesday I can devote to getting my act together, and within a week all these exhibits etc will be done, hopefully the bank acct will be fat and happy and I can ___________________.

pots by me and pots not by me

(teaset by Gary Rith)
Let's get excited, shall we? The pics above aren't all that good, but this is a slighty groovy teaset just out of the kiln. I had made it groovy, literally, then whacked it into a 3-sided shape. Then used the VC green glaze from Cornell but fired it at home. I am keeping it. I love that glaze, and I got the recipe not long ago, and need to mix it here at home. The thing is, it is a wild speckly matt color, very stable, BUT it is a base!!!! So I can try mixing it as green, blue, purple and yellow!!! That makes me so excited.
Which is why I was lurking around with my wife at a gallery yesterday. I had her block the view of me from the clerks while I took the photos below. (we bought a couple of things! we did!) Those teapots are very cute, but they use the very glaze I am talking about with the very variations I am talking about! Of course, they are factory made overseas (ppphhlllbbt) but I can look at them and appreciate they are pretty, THEN GO HOME AND MAKE THEM BETTER hehehehe

whisper to a scream

By Icicle works. Maybe the very best of the 80s. Certainly LOTS of drums. The more drums the better!

oh total yay!

We open our exhibit and show Sunday 2-5 at Thou Art Gallery, FIVE OF US! The biggest opening there ever and I am part of it!!!! Hope it doesn't snow too much. Nancy told me she sold a penguin bowl even before the exhibit was set up....

Tetley's, not just for breakfast anymore: a Regular Guy Beer review

(mug and calzone by Gary Rith)
Did you know there is a Tetley's beer? Fantastic in the pub draft can poured into your favorite mug, a little slice of heaven with a calzone. A nice moderate ale. Let's give it a 10 out of 10 thumbs up and hope they don't go out of business...

chick lit: a regular guy book review

(Candace Bushnell)
The woman who wrote, and probably lived, Sex and the City (I thought the movie was dumb and I don't like that thin actress with the horsey face, but I do like the unrepentent tart Samantha), writes some unbelieveably funny books. Did Hollywood and the horsey actress ruin Candace's work?
Just read her latest 'One Fifth' about a building in New York. I loved it, just like her other books. Hilarious--manages to satirize and skewer everything. Ten big fat thumbs up out of ten!

Speaking of female solidarity, my little Tastycake, Penny the beagle and Emily the cat will probably sleep in all day in a cloud of goose down feathers, so I should give the wakeup call. I opened the door to take out the dogs this morning and my hands stuck, a la Ralphie, to the screen door knob (a little water on my fingers=briefly frozen to the metal). IT IS THAT COLD OUTSIDE. Maybe 8 degrees.

pottery in action: peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies

(plate and cookies by Gary Rith)

music perfection: Republica

My man Russ and I were exchanging anarcho-punk pottery notes ("stick it to the man!") and he reminded me of that rather perfect band Republica.
Ready to Go.

:)

Think I'll make some peanut butter cookies.
With chocolate.
Probably need more caffeine, but its the end of the day.
Have cocktails with the wife when she gets home instead.
You hear today on the radio, and everywhere else, that happiness is contagious. My beagle is spreading happiness everywhere.
So here's an original scientific equation from my personal laboratory:

beagle + peanut butter and CHOCOLATE cookies + cocktails with the wife = happiness

Happy weekend all!

Be CLAM

Yesterday my beloved Chili con queso said to me:

Me: "....but I am so crazy and stressed!!!"

She: " ..be clam, darling, be clam..."

FORREST GUMP?

My wife calls from her Cornell office yesterday to say that the Cornell employee newspaper Pawprint is featuring me in the announcement of the HUGE sale I am helping with at Cornell's Pot Shop next week.
I was flicking through Ithaca Times last week and was surprised to be featured there too. Makes me feel a little Forrest Gumpish.....

NEWT

(small turtle butter or cheese dish by Gary Rith)
My pals heather and Michael have a turtle named Newt and last month bought one of these butter dishes and last night I dreamt about them and there was a hamster in there somewhere...

Come to Jesus

By Mindy Smith.

which came first????

(mug with chicken by Gary Rith)

GAK

So Penny, as she does when she wants to get up and have breakfast, starts gakking in bed, but it is time to get up anyway, and luckily there is some newspaper and I catch her spew and we start the day.

Today my beloved Burrito said to me:

"Dan Quayle, Dick Cheney and Bill Clinton are on the yellowbrick road headed to Oz.
Dan says: I'll ask the wizard for a brain!!!
Dick says: I'll ask the wizard for a heart.
Bill says: I wonder where Dorothy is?"

I am IN LOVE: pottery in action

(plate and calzone by Gary Rith)
So I asked myself what might happen if I took my favorite pizza dough and made it really really thin and laid it out and added sauteed peppers and onions and such and then folded it over and baked it on the pizza stone really hot. You eat it and wonder why you would ever want to have pizza when you could have calzone instead...

Directions? Recipe?????? Really? OK, I can share, even if you don't have a pizza stone in your oven.

Gary's Lazy Calzones--lazy because its easy and full of shortcuts

--In bowl dump half cup water, 2 teasp. yeast, tbs. sugar, stir. Then add 2 tbs. oil, stir. (add some salt if you want, I try not to use much salt)
--Oil second bowl, set aside
--back to the yeast mix--stir in 2 cups flour, add enough water to make a nice looking dough a little at a time, approx a half cup more
---turn out onto floured board or counter, knead knead knead (LIKE CLAY!) until pliable, then set into oiled bowl to rise for 20-60 minutes--it doesn't matter much

--chop up your veggies or whatever--- I sautee my veggies and stuff in oil for 5-10 minutes---mix in a cup spaghetti sauce and set aside, and chop or grate some cheese
--preheat over to 400
--roll out punch down and knead dough---kneadkneadknead, then make two balls and grease a cookie sheet (or make sure the stone is in the over preheating)
--roll out each ball super thin with a rolling pin,(set onto cookie sheet if using cookie sheet) dump in your toppings and cheese, fold dough over, crimp edge with fork, prick, then do the other, then bake until crispy golden brown looking, ten minutes

OH BOY!

le mug

(mug by Gary Rith with twisty body and little feet)

HELL

By the Squirrel Nut Zippers. FUN! FUNNY! Retro chic!

Despicable

(A-Rod and his wife a couple of years ago)
You won't hear me moralizing much, and I am no fan of Madonna, and none of this is my business, but I am a Yankees fan and was an A-Rod fan and this is DESPICABLE!
Madonna and A-Rod are house hunting. How does the story go? A-Rod's beautiful and wonderful wife has another baby last spring and A-Rod starts messing around with Madonna????
Makes me throw up a little.
I wouldn't blame A-Rod's wife if she wanted to show him another use for a wood chipper.....

Readers check in

One of my pals going back to middle school (not middle ages, haha! but close!) writes:
"Okay, so I perused your blog and I have to admit, it is charming. Its parameters are love, laughter, vegetarian food, animals and art. How can that go wrong? It is whimsical and light hearted, and your obvious love for what you do and who you share your life with is so sweet. "

::BLUSHBLUSHBLUSH::: Glad she didn't say I am "self-absorbed and obnoxious". Only I think that, but when I remarked upon that, the missus said:

missus: "I think you've got a great sense of humor"

me: "you don't think I am bitter and twisted? Self-absorbed and obnoxious????"

missus: "that's when you're MOST fun"

EMILY APPROVED

You see, half the problem in this house with TP is a vertical roll. So the usual question of over or under is complicated. Apparently this is the CORRECT way. Do your cats treat the bathroom like a playground?
My sister-in-law Emily, for whom this Emily is named, gave the missus a bright holiday necklace. Spike took it for his own. It was easier to give in.

Le Froig

(pots by Gary Rith)
It is well known that I like frogs, and frogs like to be on my pieces. The blue and green mug, I was fiddling with making a twisted spiral shape. The light green bowl, as I said last week, I was wondering if you could square off a ripply piece, and YES, you can.

Hullooooo Donald!

So, the wife is on the bus tonight, got on a stop or two earlier than usual, and this guy boarding says "hey, nice skull bracelet!".
The wife is blown away, she isn't wearing a skull bracelet. How could Donald know about her new skull bracelet??????? She gets her answer here at home later, when she is puzzling it out with me and I admit I posted it this afternoon. Therefore, Donald took a coffee break and READ MY BLOG, GOT ON THE BUS and mentioned it to her. A week or two ago, Donald got on the bus and said to my wife "hello Tastycake" or whatever word I was using for her that day. Again, Donald was enjoying my blog during his, um, coffee break at work, which is something EVERYBODY OUTTA DO.
Donald happens to be the rather wonderful husband of our friend Nancy, and Donald and my wife work in adjacent buildings and take the bus home together, and according to Nancy, he is quite addicted ADDICTED to this blog, and he esp. likes the videos. I mentioned earlier that my blog is read only by beautiful and smart women, and Donald is very smart, if not a beautiful woman too. I don't know if he'll like these two videos, but I do.

Here is the rather wonderful band Abney Park that started as a goth rock band (note black clothes and black fingernails, before they went steam punk---all these little categories!!!!!!!!!)

wrong side


stigmata martyr


and Airship Pirate, when they went firmly steampunk, which seems to mean more browns, more buckles and more ruffles

bubblewrap and the one armed paperhanger...

(pots by Gary Rith)
Busier than a one armed paper hanger, yes indeedy, filling orders from YOU. This blog is on track to sell 500 objects by December 31--FIVE HUNDRED! So it looks like we won't be eating cat food this winter, (but the cats will).
Predictably, this week seems like the busiest of them all, and TODAY especially.
I am so grateful to you all, readers, friends, customers, thanks.
Green mugs for Kate and Jim, penguin bowl and mug for Karen, and 6 new rolls of tape and enough bubble wrap to cover every house in the neighborhood...or a few pots.

the wife goes to NY city and...

....comes home with a bracelet covered with skulls!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Rithkins (???)

Another one of my pals from LOOOOONG ago, middle school and high school, has resurfaced on facebook, and she is wonderful just like my pals Wendy and Mary Beth (I guess I hung out with a lot of girls when I was a kid, not girlfriends, just girls who were friends---all of them beautiful and smart---and I suppose if you looked at my bloggy pals, you would see it is still true). Sarah reminds me that I had a nickname, origins unclear, perhaps from Mary Beth: Rithkins.

So my little Turtledove says to me this morning:

"Hey, you got the TP just right!" I suppose I had a 50/50 chance...

and

"W goes to the doctor who tells him he has a right brain and a left brain. 'But wait!' W says, 'everybody has a left brain and a right brain!' to which the doctor replies
'but in your case, in the left brain there's nothing right, and in your right brain, there's nothing left'"

Snakemaster and the Denver Broncos

(pots by Gary Rith)
My pal KC asked if I could try making a mug with a snake. (her son's nickname: Snakemaster) These two came out very nicely, it was a great idea and challenge!
AND a person I do not know asked a month ago if I could make an orange and blue mug with a bronco on it for her husband the funeral director and Broncos fan, another good challenge that turned out well, although the customer seems to have maybe disappeared....

My Little Pumpkin came home and said:

My Little Pumpkin came home and said:

"Two cows were hanging around in a meadow. The one asks the other:
"What do you think of this so-called mad cow disease?"
and the reply was:
"I'm not worried about it. After all, I'm a helicopter!"


AND
What is the difference between the first President Bush and the second president Bush?


8 years of prosperity."

I am glad she is home.

CELEBRITY DISH: who is the smartest of them all?

We love dishing on celebs here at potsblog, but my money is on SPIKE THE CAT.

scenes from the bedroom

(Emily and Spike and Rumpole the teddy bear)
So as I say, with the missus out of town, the house is immaculate (my job) but the bed has not been made in several days (her job). You can see that the cats appreciate its disheveled aspect.
Also, as I say, I find myself up late reading with the missus on the road. No Little Pumpkin to snuggle with, so me, the cats and the beagle burn the midnight oil. I finished something with Bristish agents, Russian mobsters and sexy blondes yesterday, but I can't remember the title (thrillers make for satisfying yet forgettable reads).
NOW speaking of sexy blondes, I am reading, as you can see, Candace Bushnell's latest "One Fifth" (she wrote Sex and the City). I thought the movie was horrible and I esp. hated Carrie Bradshaw) (I don't like that actress much either, although the saucy one in the movie? Samantha? I liked her). But here's the thing: I have read all of Candace's books and they are FABULOUS stories, and they are just hilarious. She writes the absolute best comedy.

TP WARS

OK, the house is immaculate, studio and living area, because I had so many visitors this weekend PLUS the visiting vet comes at ten this morning to give Buster his shots and exam. YES, our vet is like James Herriot. We happen to live just a few miles from the Cornell Vet school, which I think was the first in the US plus maybe the number one vet hospital in the country (when Spike cat had tummy troubles late on a Sunday night, I was sooooo grateful the emergency room there never closes!). So, there are vets on every corner in this county, no exagerating! We are a family that had 3 dogs and 2 cats, and it is easier for the vet to come here for appts, unless there is a late emergency. And when Sammy cat and Jack the dog had their finall illnesses, the vet was here with us and let's just say it is a whole lot less traumatic for them to pass at home.
OK, so the house is clean, but nobody ever made the bed. YES, tis the wife's job, and she returns later today. The problem is, if I make the bed, I will do it in typical slapdash fashion, and she will complain about it and make it again. So I wonder what is the point? Save myself a minute or two and NOT make it.
(I have been busy but I miss my sweetie so much and cannot wait to have her home this afternoon)

Same thing with the TP. Who knows which way it is supposed to go? My pal Gord is right to ask why women have passionate feelings about direction, torque, placement and wind resistance. I mean, I get detailed notes from Kate, and then Cheri, who is a lawyer, starts citing historic precedent and case history....

OK, TP, roll placement: does it matter which way it should go?

wee little piggy mommy

(wee little piggy sculpture by Gary Rith)
What kind of anarcho-punk potter makes adorable sculptures of piggy mommies and piglets? You see, therein lies anarchy part....

Anarchy in the UK, anarcho-punk potters in a purple house

The Socks Pistols were not exactly good people who did good and wholesome things, but you have to admit they caused society to....shift gears. I am very impressed that potters and non-potters have been joining my facebook group anarcho-punk potters. You could say slightly anti-corporate, slightly anti-establishment is the glue holding the group together.
here's the Pistols with Anarchy in the UK and then My Way.